Normally I don't watch the local news here. I think it is a 3 ring circus. Typically the "top story" is the neighbors dog got loose and dumped over the trash can. However, last night was different. There was a house fire that claim the lives of 2 toddler boys (ages 2 and 3) The mother could only escape with the infant baby. There was nothing she could do. I am not by any means one to get emotional. I am not a cry baby but last night I cried not only because I am a mother but because I have children close to her children's age. To see this mother in that much pain & blaming herself for not being able to get her 2 boys out of that fire was devestating for me.
Having been in law enforcement for many years and growing up with law enforcement I have seen and heard ALOT! At the age of 18 I began dispatching police and fire. It takes a special person to be able to do that job and I did it and I did it well. I was able to seperate myself and not let it bother me. The things I have expierenced from 18-25 have been pretty intense and it is things most people will never expierence in a lifetime.
- A suicide scene that was as gory as they come (age 19)
- 2 autopsy's (a smell you will never forget or mistake for anything else) (age 20)
- On the phone with a teenage kid who was being chased by a person in another vehicle which made him crash, the car catch on fire and him trapped in it unable to get out while on 911 with me and burning up in the vehicle with me on the phone. (age 21)
- A woman who's ex-boyfriend, whom she put in jail for repeated domestic assault, slice her up while she was on the phone with me. (age 21)
- A mother driving down the street less than a mile (she was going from mom's house to her's) on the fourth of July with her child (age 3) not in a carseat because I guess she figured the road traveled was a residential one hardly traveled by anyone since there was only a few houses on it. Someone shot off one of those big huge loud fireworks, scared her and the child, the child jumps, mom crashed the vehicle and kills her only child. (age 22)
- My husband of only 2 days, while on duty responding to back up another officer hit a horse he did not see on a dark county road and wrecked 500 feet off in the woods almost killing himself. They said if he would have been just a wee bit taller he would have been killed because the roof caved in on top of him. (age 23)
- O'Neil having to shoot and kill a child's father in front of the child while daddy was holding the child hostage. Daddy gave O'Neil no other choice because he would have killed his own son rather than just let him go. (age 25) (Mason was 7 months)
I could go on and on but the point of this post is, I guess, is all I have gone through you never truly understand or "relate" to anything in it's entirety until you have children. Sure I was sad for the child who lost his life on the fourth of July and the teenager who lost his and most importantly to the child who's daddy lost his life because he would rather shoot at O'Neil and hold a gun to his own son's head because of selfishness. BUT until you have children of your own you really CANNOT understand.
Is it because when you have your own you tend to think "what if" that happened to me or my children? Who knows! What I do know is now I have a deeper and better understanding of what "true love" really is. For those of you fellow bloggers who have children you know exactly where I am coming from. For those of you who don't will soon someday know all these feelings I am describing. You will never in your life expierence love until you have children. You think you know what love is...hell i thought i did... but I didn't. Not until I had Mason.
Hug your family and tell them you love them as often as possible. No one knows what GOD has in store for them tomorrow.
Sorry for such a depressing post but I had to get that out.
Much love to you all!!
xoxox
G
