Here lately I have been thinking alot about "things". These things being what makes me happy, what makes me sad, what makes me who I am.
Believe it or not I am a very demanding person. O'Neil tells me that I am difficult.
I don't see myself like this but I do want what I want when I want and I want things done my way. I don't like things to be in dissaray. It makes me feel overwhelmed and discombobulated. I can't handle that.
As much as I would like to be I am not a lovey dovey type person. I never have been. O'Neil is very affectionate and so we clash in that respect. He doesn't understand me and I don't understand him.
I guess for a while now I have been in this funk and it is only getting worse. I guess I nreally need to break down and get back on my crazy medicine but I don't want to do that either. I don't want to have to depend on medicine to make me feel good. I was fine until the birth of Mason in May of 02. It's been all down hill since then. After the birth of Mason I suffered SEVERE post partum depression. I thought I was fine but everyone else around me knew I was one whacked out nut job. This was tough on everybody. I mean here I am 24 years old with a great husband, nice house, nice cars, a new baby and everything else I could want in life. I was very excited about Mason and I "thought" I was ok. Looking back I was NOT ok...i was a whack-a-doo who needed some serious help. I would barely touch mason. I refused to change diapers. I didn't want to feed him. All I wanted to do was sleep. I had a very rough and BAD pregnancy with Mason. (That's another post, actually I giuess I am going backwards with my thoughts but this is me and I will do what I want)
so anyway....My doctor tried to warn me that I was going to have post partum depression and i told him he was crazy. That i wanted my baby and would love him. He explained to me that he has been an OB doctor long enough and knowing me for as long as he has my personality is sure signs I am a high candidate for post partum....ok dude your crazy..that is what i am thinking...no he wasn't crazy I was and I did suffer from it and it was awful. But once again I thought i was fine....i couldn't understand why my mom was crying, why oneil was looking at me like i was nuts, why the people around me were walking on eggshells. Hindsight is 20/20. So he tells me 2 days after birth that he is going to put me on Zoloft and I tell him it's not necessary I am fine and all the while the rest of the family was obviously telling him different. So I started on 100mg of zoloft....WOW..can you say good for nothing...I was a walking zombie and very loopy. He cut the dose back to 75mg...much better...2 weeks goes by and I am feeling pretty darn good. Then one day after not really having any interaction with Mason, I did but not like a mother should, I woke up and thought I was super mom....O'Neil wasn't doing anything right and I was back to my old self I guess you would say. I hated, hated hated feeling like this. It was beyond my control and it SUCKED BIG TIME. I do not wish that upon anyone and there is ALOT of women who suffer from it and they don't realize it.
On that Note....SCREW YOU TOM CRUISE I WOULDN'T SPIT DOWN YOUR THROAT IF YOUR GUTS WAS ON FIRE!!!!
who the hell is he? Tell me..please ...I want to know...other than another whack-a-doo celebrity....
i don't believe I am depressed right now I think I am stressed. My family has been turned upside down and routines are out of whack. I am a firm believer in routines for children makes things go alot smoother. They also like routine. So until I can get myself back on track maybe I should consider taking my meds. I guess when your hubby ask...hey you think your meds will help you out? I guess that is a sure sign you may should consider it huh!
I have read up on my sign ( I am gemini by the way) and it sooo fits me to a tee!!
Kinda scary actually!!
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15 comments:
Sounds like the meds could help!! Worth another try :)
You are so honest, Greta, and I SO appreciate that! I know that just writing this post probably helped you some!
I saw--whatever you helps you be the kind of person you need to be, do it!! If it's your medicine, then that's fine. Do what you need to do!!!
(I'm with you--Tom Cruise is a wacky, know-it-all, who is NOT in the real world where people have real problems!!)
That said...
Have a wonderful weekend!!
yes girl. Tom Cruise is an idiot. I've got enough mental health education under my belt to be willing to bet money that Britney Spears latest episodes are related to post partum depression. It is nothing to be ashamed of, but certainly a perplexing position to find yourself in. I did not suffer from it, so I don't know what it might be like - but, please, please do what you need to do to feel solid and right again!!
thanks for your compliments of my recent photos. One of these days....I will make another scrappy attempt! :)
Tom Cruise = psychotic controlling asshole. What the hell happened to him??
Anyways, i'm sorry you're in a funk. I hate when that happens, it's definitely no fun. Zoloft was my friend back in the day and though I hated being on medication it was worth it, for me AND everyone around me i'm sure. (random thought: Remember the zoloft commercial with the sad little pebble walking around with the rain cloud over him?? Jamie called me when she saw that commercial and said that was me. Ha!) But sometimes we all need a little help feeling better and I admire your honesty! I would give you a giant hug if my arms would reach :) Hang in there, it'll get better!!
Hugs girl! If the zoloft didn't work, check with your dr and see if there's something else to try. There are lots of great drugs out there. I'm here if you need to talk!
i admire your honesty as well...if you feel like you don't want to go back on the meds then don't. i've never dealt with depression so i don't really know what to say. i do, however, know what it feels like to be disconnected. there are days where i want to curl up in a ball and cry; everything jerrett does drives me crazy and i end up snapping at him. currently i have no one to go to or to give me some me time...i think you should talk to the hubby about how you're feeling, get back on schedule, and add you a day a week where you can sit back and relax. if that doesn't work then maybe talk to your doctor.
big hugs to you!! proud of ya for acknowledging you're in a "funk"
I'm gonna tell you, I'm a firm believer in medication. I've been severely depressed for many years. I have a chemical imbalance in my brain, that can only be corrected with medication. When I don't take my medication, I make those around me completely miserable-- and once I take my medicine, I realize how miserable I really am.
No one wants to HAVE to depend on medication, but honestly, when it will help improve the quality of your live, and those you love, one little pill a day is a small price to pay. Best wishes *hugs*
Great post, I'm glad you felt like you could share your feelings with us. Hope you find the help you need to get back to normal.
Maybe just try a diff type of med, like maybe something more natural?? I'm not sure wha't out there like that but I'm on effexor for my stress and social anxiety. It seems to be helping.
I've found that 9 times out of 10, people have had some kind of need for mental help, whether it's counseling or medication. I've had both and still feel like I need it sometimes. It's perfectly normal and really healthy to acknowledge it, as you have. Hope you find something that makes you feel better soon.
Hi there I was just blog surfing and came across your site. After i had my babies in 2003 and agian in 2004, I suffered from post partum too. It's a horrible thing to happen during what is supposed to be a wonderful time in your life. Hope you find something to feel good again!
I am a HUGE believe in drugs if you are imbalanced. If you try them and you are still in a "funk", then it is all your mind set. But I would try them again and at least see.
Does it help for stress? I've resisted it and resisted it because I don't want to lose my medical certificate for my pilot's license but I am starting to realize how much I am self-medicating with food and that's so not good for me in the long run. I hope your funk lifts and life gets better soon.
awww Greta I'm sorry you're stressed out right now. I know how that feels and to me it feels like you have a million things to do and don't know where to start. Overwhelming and frustrating! Slow down and take care of yourself. Hugs!!
Hey Greta, I'm a Gemini too. I always say my evil twin and my good twin spar inside me. My medicine is my good twin's secret weapon. LOL (For the record, my evil twin is a lot more fun!) Oh God, now I sound crazy. Wouldn't it be nice to be Aquarius?
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